ADF/WW: Day 6

December 13, 2008 at 10:15 am 3 comments

I wonder what it says that my ‘Possibly Related Posts’ for yesterday’s post consisted only of other posts in this blog.   Apparently I am becoming an entity unto myself?

Again, a lot to talk about today.

Okay, so just to review: yesterday was the Scouts’ Christmas Party, so I’m fasting today (Saturday) instead of yesterday.   We’re also still working to catch up on the schoolwork we missed earlier in the week.  Meh.

The mind is a crazy thing.  When I was doing Weight Watchers after Zack was born, I remember thinking it was easy.  I liked the point system, I found it fairly easy to determine the points value for foods and track them, and I didn’t find it that hard to limit what I was eating to stay within my points.  Granted, it helped that I was nursing and had ten extra points to play with because of that, but still.  I lost about 30-40 pounds total over the course of a year, I think.  I know that when I got pregnant with Noah, I weighed in the neighborhood of 170, and I had hit my usual wall there.

Around that time they changed up the plan.  I remember being glad to walk away right then because I was already struggling with the loss of my ten nursing points, and couldn’t conceive of trying to eat even LESS each day besides.  I think this made it all the harder to come back after Noah was born.  Cranky receptionist notwithstanding, I knew I was coming back to a plan that had changed considerably, with all new literature, all new tools, etc.   I don’t know exactly what they changed now that I look back, whether that was when they put in the Flex Points or what, but I had a hard time adjusting and suddenly the plan I had always felt was ‘easy’ seemed unbelievably hard.

Since then, I’ve tried to go back on Weight Watchers many, many times, and have failed.   I don’t know why the plan suddenly seemed so hard to me, other than just the fact that it was different from the plan upon which I’d cut my teeth initially.  I think I disliked being told that what had worked so well for me in the past was actually ‘wrong’, and THIS way was the right way now.  Sorry about that.  I felt sort of…duped.

This came to mind last night, because right now eating healthy is coming surprisingly easy to me.  At the Christmas Party last night, I was faced with an entire buffet of stuff.   I went into the party with 16 points to work with, the 20-odd Flex Points I still have hanging around notwithstanding, and not even including the points I didn’t use on previous days that could, in previous versions of WW, be ‘banked’.  Suffice it to say, I had every inducement to pig out on chips and ham and everything else.

And I didn’t want to.  I know I’m probably beating that point to death here, but when I asked earlier in the blog ‘when does it get to the point where it’s no longer a physical effort not to eat’, I was seriously asking.   For SO LONG, I have gone into social gatherings and spent the entire time trying to tell myself NOT TO EAT.  Like.. take a small plate of whatever and absolutely NOT take more no matter what.  But it never mattered, because an internal argument would ensue and the ‘be good’ side of me would lose every time.  It was inexorable, pointless to fight.  A compulsion.  As long as food was available, I would eat it.  Even if I didn’t want to.

That’s changed now, like it did back in the old WW days.  I didn’t really feel all that inclined to eat much of what was there.  The main course was ham on a roll, and I considered it.  But then I realized: I don’t especially like ham, especially ham cold-cuts on a dryish supermarket roll.  I don’t hate it, but why bother with it if it’s not really my thing?  No one around me would be hurt that I didn’t take any, and there was plenty else to eat that was better anyway.

So I consumed sinful amounts of strawberries, pineapple and grapes.  I had a healthy portion of my salad, tried the other green-leaf salad that was there, took some pasta salad and a spoonful of a potato casserole.

I tallied up my points when I got home and didn’t even hit my points goal.  Even counting the potato casserole as a whole serving (and I don’t think it was that much, but what can you do?), I still came in two points below my daily allowance.

I just wonder how long this will last.  The Weight Watchers thing fell apart for a bunch of reasons.   The loss of nursing points.  The weight-loss wall I’d hit because I wasn’t exercising.  The change in plan.  The loss of Amy as an ally.

The fact that I got pregnant.

When I found out I was pregnant with Noah, I had originally decided to stick to my points allowance (with the 10-point nursing bonus included) until my doctor told me to stop.  I knew WW backed away from pregnant woman for CYA/Insurance reason, not because the plan itself was tacitly unhealthy.   I even asked my doctor for a recommended diet, and he gave me a diet for gestational diabetics, since it included everything I needed without an excess of calories.

Sadly, there was a progressive unravelling.   First I was nauseated, so I didn’t want to eat anything anyway.  Easy enough to stick to a plan.   As that nausea went away, I was so happy to have an appetite at all that I’d eat whatever looked good just to be eating something.  A few weeks of that, and I’d undone all my good habits.  I started telling myself  that it doesn’t matter… that I was supposed to gain weight while pregnant, that my body must need it, because I’m craving it.  That I would just lose it the way I did last time, etc.  Thus, I ended up at 220 or so when Noah was born.

I guess my point is… I’ve done this before. I know I can’t get too cocky about last night, because I’ve been here before and still ended up where I was at the beginning of this blog.  I’m excited about it, because it was nice to feel like I’d joined the world everyone else lives in…  where food is just food, and it’s okay not to eat it just because it’s there.  Where good food is preferable to bad food.  Where the power to stop is as simple as saying, “Okay, I’m done now.” and not eating anything else.  I just don’t know what I’ll have to do to keep up the momentum enough to stay in this world once I’ve lost the weight.

The upshot, I guess, is that I won’t be getting pregnant again.   At least I can’t think of any other life-changing event that I might go through that would justify weight gain the way Pregnancy does, so that’s good.

When we got home last night, I realized with some dismay that I’d meant to try out the treadmill with my Terrible Table that day, but hadn’t gotten to it.   I realized, though, that it was only about 9:00 and there was nothing stopping me from going down and doing it anyway.

So I did.  I picked up my laptop, went downstairs and started walking.  Pangie and I played Uno on MU, I worked on a program I’d been contemplating for months for NM, and I even researched galleries for Whitmoor’s website.  Before I knew it, I’d been walking for 42 minutes!

And wow, was I THIRSTY!  I took a break to run upstairs to get a drink, and then came back.  That’s when I ran into a serious issue I hadn’t anticipated.

When I stepped back on the treadmill and reached to turn the knob to start up the belt again, there was a loud snap and pain.  It was a static electricity shock, and not a small one either.  OW!   My dogs’ underground fence collars were NOTHING to the discharge that went off between me and the metal bar of the handrail.

This would rate as little more than a nuisance, but remember that my precious MacBook was sitting right there.  Static shocks around electronics are Very Bad Things.  I went ahead and kept going, trying to ascertain whether it was an unusual occurrance or something common, and then realized I was getting zapped each time my hip brushed the bar.  NOT GOOD.

Fortunately, I think I can get an Anti-Static wristband and maybe ground myself that way.  They sell for cheap on eBay, but I may check Radio Shack today.

One more thing, and then I’ll quit.  I want to talk about Cute Clothes.

I miss cute clothes.  I seem to have an affinity for them.  I have this one pair of boots, for instance, that looks like they are suede and fur-lined.  They’re very cute, and they would look especially cute on a thin person wearing jeans and a biggish sweater.  The sort of outfit you’d wear at a ski lodge in the mountains or something.

But that’s a look that makes sense if you’re thin and look like you might drop everything in a moment and rush out to go skiing.  On someone my size, the boots just look ridiculous.

I mean, there are outfits that look cute on fat people.  I know this.  A full body panda costume, maybe.  But mostly clothes on fat people are either big and sweepy, like muu-muus, or they are just big versions of small people clothes, and they don’t really flatter.

I have an outfit I’m gunning to wear.  I have a sweater I once bought that is a chunky indigo wool sweater with a hood.  It is adorable, but when I wear it I fill it out too much for it to look right.  So it sits at the back of my closet, waiting for me to shrink enough to wear it properly.   I figure that if I get to about a size 14/16 or so, it’ll look good on me again.  So one thing I really want to do is wear that sweater with those boots and look cute. 😉

Okay, I’ll shut up now.  I need to get my daily banana and vitamin going on here.

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Entry filed under: ADF, Successes, Weight Watchers. Tags: , , , , .

ADF/WW: Day 5 ADF/WW: Day 7

3 Comments

  • 1. melalvai  |  December 13, 2008 at 7:11 pm

    Hee hee, one of today’s Possibly related posts is “God Made Us Sisters; Prozac Made Us Friends…”
    There are lots of reasons people put on weight, and they are all valid reasons, in the sense that it’d take a saint or the right neurosis not to gain weight under those circumstances. Pregnancy, ill health, sedentary job, workplace bully, long commute (car/train/bus), marital issues, family problems, to name just a few.

    Infrastructure and culture could make a big difference on preventing or minimizing those weight gains, and can support or discourage weight loss, as you have found.

  • 2. Jennifer  |  December 14, 2008 at 11:16 am

    I checked out that post, actually. It’s a list of pithy sayings. My personal favorite was:

    Five days a week, my body is a temple. The other two, it’s an amusement park.

  • 3. Feaelin  |  December 16, 2008 at 5:59 pm

    Feaelin recites the “foot’ litany: “Not saying anything, not saying anything, not saying anything…”

    re: Related: The heuristic they use for that must be absolutely moronic. Or they’re trying to use a heuristic better suited to a larger sample size (e.g. if they used it against your entire blog).


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