Exercise+, Day 7: Diagnostic Complete.

January 25, 2009 at 11:07 pm 5 comments

Walking late again today.   Once again, a busy weekend day.  I made good on my promise to make Window Cookies with Noah, and then we worked on Pinewood Derby cars, since the race is next weekend.   I actually could have made it a point to come down here sooner, but it’s bitingly cold outside, and that makes the basement pretty bitterly cold too.  I pretty much used every excuse I could think of not to come down until close to 10, when I realized I needed to get walking or call the day a failure, blogwise.

The blog is very useful in terms of motivation, that’s for sure.

I seem to be mostly over my somewhat emotional resistance to the diet and stuff now, so maybe Michelle is right and the source WAS hormonal after all.   However, I’m also now somewhat more rationally aware of another possible reason for my recent impatience with it all.  To be blunt, I’ve been distracted by shinier objectives.

For any diet to work, you really do have to sort of concentrate at all times.  In my case, the Down Days obviously require a good amount of concentration, while Up Days require less.. But even so.  There are habits that need to be broken, so one has to be rather vigilant about responding to situations appropriately when they come up.  I can remember one point back in December when I was driving somewhere and there was a box of candy in the car.  They were leftovers from a Free Movie Day Andy and the boys had attended, and somehow the box had not made its way into the house when they got home.  Without thinking, I helped myself to some, and didn’t realize what I was doing until they were already in my mouth.  At that point, I thought, “Wait!  This is a Fasting Day!” and literally scrambled around to find something into which I could reasonably spit them out.   I wasn’t trying to cheat; I just wasn’t thinking.  Breaking those kinds of habits requires a lot of attention.

So naturally, this whole thing has been really easy as long as diet and exercise were my primary focus.  But then last weekend happened, and suddenly I was all at loose ends.  Now that I look back, I think I really do know why.

1)  In the spirit of the 21-day tradition I’ve established, I tried to make myself focus on diet, exercise, AND school AND work AND the house, AND Homey Coziness, AND Meal Planning, etc. etc. etc.

and

2) I found my college friends on Facebook.

Now, I realize that the two sound kind of incongruous, but basically it comes to this:  I can, I think, concentrate on diet, exercise, school, work, the house, homeycoziness and meal planning if, in fact, that’s what I want to do.   But that’s a lot to focus on under the best of circumstances, and this past week was not conducive to allowing me to focus on that.

When Ed found me on Facebook and invited me to the Coepis Group Tom had created, I suddenly found myself back in Springfield in the mid-90s, suffering all of the meloncholy joy that nostalgia inflicts.   I mean, these people, for good or ill, were the first people I had ever known who actually seemed to like me just because I was me… not because I was family, not because I was in their English class, not because they had grown up with me and more or less felt they had to be nice to me.  No.  These …guys (because admittedly, most of them were) had no reason to like me except that they found me likeable.  And they did cool things, like play with computers, and play roleplaying games and write Top Ten Lists, so I liked them too.  They gave me my own nicknames and invited me in and made me feel not only welcome, but WANTED.

My life now is not like it was then.  I have friends, I have Andy, I have my kids, I have church…  I do not need them the way I did then.  But as nostalgic as some people are about high school, I am not… so I think all of my alotted nostalgic feelings are wrapped up in those years spent sitting up late at my dorm room terminal talking to people on Coepis and QwestMUCK and Holo, sitting up on the cliff overlooking Sequiota Park, dragging Darin to Culley’s on Thursday nights to hear Allen Ross sing.  Finding Anarchy Inc. again and having them once again say, “Hey Jen!  Come hang out with us!” even in something as trite and silly as a Facebook invitation has been enough to take me back to a much-missed, much-beloved time in my life.

So…for the past week I’ve been a textbook Facebook addict, giving even the most socially-networked teenager a run for their money.   Ed and Co. introduced me to Mafia Wars, which is enough like Catan and other ‘gain resources, build empire’ type games that it’s right up my alley, especially given my latent fascination with all things Godfather.    When Mafia Wars isn’t holding my attention, I’m IMing, playing Word Scramble, or nosing around in a vain attempt to locate Rob “Skippy-the-Comet-Sniffer” Horne, who to date remains the only member of Anarchy Inc. not to turn up.

I won’t lie… it’s been really wonderful to talk to these people again.   And I would be lying to say I regret how I’ve spent this week, too.  I have reconnected with some people I have really missed, and I’m glad of that.   But objectively, I must also admit that in terms of weight loss success, this was NOT what I needed right now, if only because it has captured my immediate attention.

So I think it came down to self-inflicted guilt.  Diet/Exercise/Et. al. requires attention, energy, etc…but I had found something else to which I wanted to devote that attention and energy, so I resented the Diet/Exercise/et. al. and felt grumbly about it.  Logically, there’s no reason why talking to friends on Facebook should have anything to do with what I eat or how much I exercise, but I think it comes down to the fact that all of the enthusiasm that I had been channeling into my regimen suddenly had someplace else to go, and I wanted to send it there badly enough that at least a part of me didn’t even care if it meant sacrificing some of my success.

Knowing myself as I do (and I’m not saying I necessarily do; I’m sort of biased when it comes to me), of all of the sources of tribulation I’ve considered, this is the one that makes the most sense.   I say this because the regimen isn’t even the only thing I’ve pushed aside in favor of this Facebook nonsense; I’ve also pushed away NarniaMUCK, the website I was developing for it, my meal planning etc.   Dastardly as this may sound, though, it’s not exactly a crisis; I’m notorious for getting so excited about things that for a short time they take over my every thought and whim, but I generally settle back into some semblance of normalcy before too terribly long.  I’m probably on my way back to that point even as I type this, since I can see so clearly now what I’ve been doing.

At any rate, in the meantime I just need to balance my focus as best I can.   I didn’t eat so well this weekend, to be honest; last night was the Trivia Night, and Cheryl brought those painfully yummy cream-cheese mints.  All I’d had to eat beforehad (for the whole day!) was about a cup of whole-wheat couscous, so I was set to fail regardless.  I ate a lot of Soy Chips, crudites and fruit, but there were a couple of Little Smokies in there and probably enough cream cheese to undo a lot of good. :/  Oh well.

And today hasn’t been much better.  I think the bulk of my diet today was comprised of cookie dough.  Granted, it was cookie dough made with lots of healthy substitutions (egg white, whole wheat flour, etc.), but still… I kind of forced myself to eat a salad at dinner because I knew I’d ingested nothing decent for me all day.

So tomorrow’s weigh-in is likely to be disappointing.  If it’s not, I’ll be very surprised…and very grateful.  Either way, though, I’m resolved to sit down and write up a good meal plan for the week, and then really stick with it so that I can get back on track.  Even if the gesture is devoid of enthusiasm (and I don’t think it will be, completely…especially now that I feel like I’ve nailed down what’s going on with me), it’s still worth it to do it so that I’m not giving in to the temptation to let a lack of a plan excuse me from doing the right things.  Anyway, I am still determined to get under 200 by March, if I can.

I have referred, by the way, to the Terrible Twos.  This is what I meant by that:  Right now I weigh over 200 pounds and I wear 2XL clothes.  I want to get rid of those 2s. 🙂  I want to weigh under 200 pounds (preferably WAY under, but under for sure) and dump the 2, if not the X and even the L. 😉

So that’s my plan.  Off to bed now so I can start anew tomorrow.

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Entry filed under: Exercise, Successes. Tags: , , , , , , , , , .

It happened… Weight Check, Week 1

5 Comments

  • 1. Melalvai  |  January 26, 2009 at 10:56 am

    Sorry about stomping you in Scramble. I don’t usually play the 4X4 board, and I was thinking “where are all the words? I can’t find any words!” when the time was suddenly up and I had 57 points…compared to your 7 points…oops…

    I have been playing that game WAY too much. That’s my only excuse.

  • 2. Feaelin  |  January 26, 2009 at 8:48 pm

    You reacted completely differently from the way I did…I was more ‘oh dear, do I really want those connections revived?’ or such. 🙂

    Probably in part because I don’t want more things that absorb my time, since I already have a premium on it! 🙂

  • 3. Jennifer  |  January 26, 2009 at 10:35 pm

    Mel: To be honest, I wasn’t even aware I’d started a game with other people. It was the first time I played, and I didn’t understand how that ‘versus’ thing worked. But now I’m on it, and I’ve sent you a new game request. 😉

    Fe: I know what you mean. I certainly didn’t need anything additional to eat up MY time… but oh well.

  • 4. Melalvai  |  January 27, 2009 at 4:02 pm

    You did much better on the new game. 🙂
    I have a terrible time understanding how to do anything on facebook honestly. I don’t connect with its interface apparently.

    My reaction to all the COEPIS activity was “Hm, I kind of remember this or that name”. I recognize the word “Sequiota” but I don’t have a picture in my head of the park.

  • 5. Jennifer  |  January 27, 2009 at 4:59 pm

    Yeah, much better now that I’ve figured out how it works. I’m still sorting it out, though. I didn’t even realize that Scramble gave you an indication of how many words were possible until this afternoon. 😉 Whoops.

    I think for me, it was such a novel experience to be included the way I was that I latched on really hard. All the more likely I’d latch on hard again given the opportunity, I guess. In true form, I’m chilling out now, though. And I’ve had a much better attitude so far this week. 😉


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