Cleaning, Day 2: Sparkle, Sparkle!

April 21, 2009 at 11:27 pm 1 comment

Well, so far so good.  As I write this, my bed is made, my room is straightened up and my kitchen is nice and clean.  I did a good job of staying on top of the kitchen mess, especially, and made sure to put everything away right away.  I really am sort of childish about that sort of thing, and I tend to just make a big mess and leave it when I’m cooking.   This would be a good habit to break.

Emotions are tricky things, I’m finding.  I know I’ve devoted a lot of time in this journal to discussing the various ways in which mind rules over matter when it comes to eating, but it’s interesting to me the way emotions impact pretty much everything we do.   An unexpected bout of melancholy, for example, can completely derail you and render an otherwise potentially productive day a complete waste.

What’s interesting to me is that I have lately described myself as being rather unemotional, as girls go.   I have always been sort of a tomboy anyway, and though I am sometimes moved to tears by sad scenes in movies or whatever, I don’t tend to do it as much as other women I know.  In fact, when the MBTI was all the rage and I first decided I was an INTP,  a big reason why was because the dispassionate nature of a typical INTP carries with it certain traits that I know apply to me.  The one thing that comes to mind (likely in light of my observation about movies above) is that I find myself actually irritated by gratuitous romantic or sexual scenes in books and movies.   Given the choice between James Patterson and Robert J. Parker, for example, I will choose Parker every time.  Patterson just can’t stop himself from throwing in some cheesy love scene in which Alex Cross gets it on with whatever female character prevails at the time.   Parker has plenty of sex in his books too, but he clearly believes discretion is the better part of valor.  He manages to get the idea across just fine without a lot of overt description.

But I’m finding now that the issue here isn’t that I am not very emotional, but rather that my emotions confuse the hell out of me.  Of course, this is presumably exactly why INTPs are dispassionate; they find their own emotions are just too frightening and confusing to deal with, so they fight them in favor of a place of safe, comfortable numbness.  But I don’t know that that makes me so terribly unusualthough.  When I’m feeling secure and safe, there’s no call for extremes.  When I’m feeling insecure, I’m a ridiculous emotional rollercoaster, fighting so hard to re-establish my own emotional homeostasis that I overshoot it in both directions and come off like I’m bipolar for a little while.    It’s a very annoying experience, and I obviously much prefer feeling in control of myself.  But while I think some women might be more comfortable with — and even enjoy — a more interesting emotional ride, I still don’t know that this makes me all that unusual.

But I am going through a time of relative unrest in my life right now.  A lot of uncertainty, a good amount of unhappiness, and a generous pinch of fear thrown in.  So I’m at an insecure place, and my emotions are running high.  As a result, I’m having to really concentrate on this cleaning thing.   It’s good; cleaning and attending to the house helps a lot, just in terms of my own pride and the positive emotions that come with that, but it’s also, as I said, interesting to me just how profoundly this time of unrest affects me all day long.  I hope this time passes quickly.


Entry filed under: Cleaning, Successes. Tags: , , , , , , .

Cleaning, Day 1: A Fresh Start! Cleaning, Day 3: This one is not about cleaning…

1 Comment

  • 1. Amanda  |  June 2, 2009 at 8:29 am

    If it’s any consolation, I, too, get annoyed by “gratuitous romantic or sexual scenes in books and movies.” 😛

    When I was dealing with a lot of stuff in my life, my emotions were much like a rollarcoaster. I would try so hard to balance everything and overshoot it, as you say. I hated it! I can’t imagine other people enjoying it! But to each his own, I guess. I much prefer the stability, the control of me and my life.

    I’ve only very recently begun to cry at movies or tv shows. I’m not sure how -that- happened and am not sure if I like it or not. I think it’s because I really want children and so anything child-related makes me emotional. 🙂

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