ADD Day 1: Wednesday Resolve

November 17, 2010 at 6:49 am 4 comments

Today is Day 1.  Again.

I’ve been avoiding the scale, and with good reason.   On the whole, all things considered (insert any other applicable disclaiming clause here), things are getting better every day now.  The divorce is official, but still not acrimonious.   The kids seem to be adjusting reasonably well under the circumstances.  My anxiety attacks more or less went away, and now I just have occasional early-morning twinges about the kids here and there.   Financially, we’re doing okay.  Work is going pretty well these days, and my efforts to find a full-time job have been more promising lately, as I have active applications in for four or five good prospects right now.

But it’s been a tough road, and over the last two months, especially, I’ve struggled to control my eating again.   There’s a definite addict mentality I go through at  such times, and it’s so obvious to me even as I’m going through it, and yet I’m helpless to it even as I see it happening.  Intellectually I know I’m not eating because I’m hungry, that what I’m eating won’t satisfy me, and even that I’ll only feel worse later for having eaten it, and yet I eat anyway.   All of that they talked about in the AA meetings I attended with Chad makes complete sense to me, and I feel for those guys.

So this morning I weighed in at 180.6 on the bathroom scale.  I knew it would be something like that, so I’m not too upset.  But there’s nothing for it but to get a hold of myself, and that means going all the way back to the beginning and starting over.   Time to sit down and make a firm deal with myself that I’ll do this for 21 days and then see where we are again.

The one good thing is that I’m still walking.  I’m not as good about it as I have been in the past, but I’ve been good about working in some kind of exercise every day.    The kids have been into Geocaching lately, which helps too; it gets us out and tromping through the woods, walking distances to locate little pill bottles or bison tubes or boxes tucked away in hidey-holes all around the area.  When we’re not doing that, I’m walking my treadmill or walking the mall with Michelle, or hiking with Chris.   Colleen and I sometimes do pilates (although we need to do it more).   So I’m getting better; I just need to get back on a good regimen with food again.

So we’re focusing on ADD.  My biggest question is whether to go hardcore and really force myself to be controlled or whether to take the softer approach.  I really don’t know.  Hardcore is not much fun, I admit, but it’s actually easier for me because there’s no question about how much of whatever I can eat I can eat.   The answer is simply ‘none of it, until tomorrow’.

Probably the best thing to do is to simply set up a regimented plan for myself regarding what I can eat on MWF.  That will make certain things easier anyway, because if I happen to work on Wednesdays I’ll have to make excuses as to why I’m not having lunch otherwise.

Please do nag me.  I won’t resent it, I promise.  My goal is still the same: to reach 140.  If I could get there and reasonably maintain, I’d be content with that.

 

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Entry filed under: ADF.

ADF-EDD, Day 3: Being Good! ADD, Day 2: The Drive…

4 Comments

  • 1. Jennifer  |  November 17, 2010 at 6:54 am

    I just realized after writing this that my first ADF efforts ever started exactly two years ago. o_O

  • 2. Pangie  |  November 17, 2010 at 9:25 am

    Welcome back!

    That means we’re quickly approaching my 2 year anniversary, too. 🙂 I think I started 3 days after you.

  • 3. Iain  |  November 18, 2010 at 5:48 pm

    I’ve completely fallen off, myself. Since July 1, I think. Something derailed me around then. There’s been some half-hearted attempts here and there, but mostly nothing. 🙂

    Congratulations on starting a new 21! I expect to see your Day 2 post any minute!

  • 4. Melalvai  |  November 18, 2010 at 8:38 pm

    First of all congratulations. 180 isn’t where you want to be but even so you’ve come so far since 2 years ago.

    An all or none approach works better for me too.


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