ADF, Day 1 Again: Nothing to it but to do it.

December 14, 2010 at 12:41 pm 3 comments

You know, everything in me wants to go back and delete the false-start posts from previous months.  I always start out so optimistic, it’s depressing to see them there once I’ve fallen off the wagon.   I actually logged on today determined to do that, but then I saw that friends had replied to them, and decided against it.  I’m not a child.  Facing my own failure is not the end of the world.

That said, I’m actually back in the saddle.  And this is not a typical First Day Again post, because at this point I’m actually three days into ADD as I post this.  That would make this my second fasting day, so at least this time I have my feet under me already. 

It IS a bit like a tantrum that is wearing itself out, I guess.  ADF isn’t exactly a fun diet regimen.  Few diet regimens that actually work are fun.  ADF has perks that make it work better for me than other diet regimens do, but there does come a point where the whole thing feels like an awful lot of effort, and surely I don’t need to be AS strict with myself as all of that.  From there, it’s an easy slide down the slippery slope into gluttony, and I wind up back where I started.

But fortunately, as Iain points out, not exactly back.  Some of the same mindset prevailed, but I have managed not to gain it all back.  I’m still at about 180, which isn’t where I want to be but isn’t where I was before either.  I lost eighty pounds doing this, and I want to lose 40 more.  I think it’s probably worthwhile to focus on the 40, but not to forget the eighty, either.   Having been victorious in the past, I know it’s in me to be victorious again.

And that statement isn’t one I take ‘kindly’.  It’s a scold.  There really is no good excuse for failure on this.  I did it before, and my life has not appreciably changed such that I cannot do it again.  The only possible caveat I could grant myself is that walking is a little tougher to work into the schedule now, but even that is not really much of an excuse.  I can still work it in, and should be working it in.  Enough is enough.

Sunday morning, I woke up and decided not to eat that day.   There is something about making the decision and following through that is empowering, especially since it’s really hard this time of year.  But there really is nothing to it but to do it in this case.  When the hunger hits and the food is there, you just can’t listen to the specious logic voices.  No.  I don’t want to wake up anymore and worry that my size 14 slacks and jeans won’t fit.  I refuse to pull out the size 16s again.  No.  I won’t be fat again.  I won’t.

Because to be honest, the size 14s are getting tight.  Most are still comfortable, but there are some that are distinctly NOT comfortable, and I am starting to strain to close the fly.

So I resolved this, and as the day unfolded I actually found it surprisingly easy.  Again.  Someone had brought cookies to work and left them in the break room.  I avoided the break room, skipped lunch.  I drank unsweetened hot tea.   I was good all day.   After work, I went to the Fox to see A Christmas Carol, and did have some hot chocolate while we were there.  But I had granted myself permission to eat a low-point dinner if I could make it through the day without eating anything, and in the end I didn’t even do that.  The theater had me home late and I just went to bed.

Waking up yesterday was interesting.  As usual, I was surprised to find I didn’t feel the need to dash downstairs and eat whatever I could get into my mouth.  Instead, I made my bed and straightened the upstairs, then wound downstairs to have some cranberry nut bread for breakfast.  I made a good dinner for my family last night and enjoyed it with them, but I didn’t go crazy.

And today I’m back at it, and I feel fine.  I am hungry, but I don’t feel helpless to it.  My pragmatic brain has taken over and I’m even working in the kitchen, making meals for the kids, etc. without feeling the need to eat anything.

Oh, I should mention that I’ve altered my schedule again.  I am now fasting Sunday, Tuesday and Thursday.  That puts me at work for two of my fasting days, which makes it easier on me.  My eating days fall on my days off this way, which means it won’t affect social stuff.  That’s still important to me.

 

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Entry filed under: Uncategorized.

ADD, Day 2: The Drive… ADF, Day 2: Soup Glutton!

3 Comments

  • 1. Iain  |  December 14, 2010 at 1:01 pm

    Welcome back! I think being aware of both numbers makes it easier. “40? Bah! After the 80 I already did, easy peasy!”

    I wouldn’t worry too much about getting off track. There is definitely some days (weeks, even) of life that are easier to deal with than others; sometimes a rough week steals all the gumption we’d use for self-improvement. Resuming the self-improvement after a rough week is the important thing. 🙂

  • 2. Melalvai  |  December 14, 2010 at 1:20 pm

    Way to go!
    The eventual success will be so much more meaningful against the backdrop of all those false starts. If you end up with a dozen or a hundred false starts, it just means you are persistent.

    Good luck, if not this time than next time.

  • 3. Iain  |  December 16, 2010 at 1:12 pm

    Day 15! Day 15! Day 15!


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