ADF Day 9: Housing Situation Revisited

June 16, 2011 at 3:23 pm 1 comment

Today was an up day.  That was good, I guess, except that I’m finding that Up Days at this point in my life are not conducive to healthy eating.  Not that I think it’d be better if I was fasting all the time, but the ability to eat ‘freely’ when I’m under stress and kind of depressed is not a good thing.

The realtor for that house in the African American neighborhood has apparently fallen completely off the map.  She was supposed to call me back on Tuesday ‘at the latest’ to let me know what the homeowner said about my application to rent.  She didn’t call at all on Tuesday, and yesterday I left a message and E-mailed her, received no responses from either.  Moreover, a ‘back to the drawing board’ check of revealed that the house is no longer available for rent.  O_O  It’s still up there for purchase, but the rental ad is gone.

I have no idea what all of that means, but it annoys me on so many levels I don’t know where to begin.   Maybe the owner decided not to rent, but why wouldn’t the realtor just call me and say so?  Maybe she was out yesterday.  I don’t know.  All I know is, ever since losing the Cambridge lease because of my hesitation to push forward without a plan to keep the current mortgage current, I have felt increasingly hopeless about finding a decent place for us to live.  There are a lot of rentals out there, but in most cases the rent is higher than my mortgage.  The houses that are affordable are so ridiculously tiny that I cannot FATHOM how they can advertise ‘4 BR’ in a house that in the next breath admits to being only 986 square feet.  This probably suggests how spoiled I am, given that I’m used to my suburban house, which is by contrast a mansion, apparently.

Everytime I think about it, my neck aches, my head hurts, and I just feel run down.  There is a gnawing sense of having painted myself into a corner here, even though aside from the divorce I don’t think any of this was avoidable.  We were sinking financially anyway; it was only a matter of time before we arrived here.  As it is, I’m actually doing better than we were before the divorce, but the kids need some kind of savings for their futures, and it worries me that that’s not happening.  Z is 11 now.  There are only seven years left before he’ll need college money, and I’ll have nothing to offer him.

*sigh*  With all of that on my head right now, seeking momentary pleasure in indulging in something that tastes good — and then seeking it again a moment later and a moment later and a moment later, just to keep some kind of lift going — is way too tempting and too easy to do on an Up Day when I’m supposed to ‘eat whatever I want’.  All told, I’m not doing as good a job with this as I could be, but dwelling on that just gives me another source of guilt to think about and it spirals from there.

The last time I was doing ADF, I quit doing it for exactly this reason.   The guilt of failing was compounding the stress I was already under, so it seemed somehow logical to stop.  Of course, without a regimen in place, I ate too much and felt guilty about that, too….so it didn’t really help anything.    I don’t really know what the answer is.


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ADF Day 8: Weigh-In ADF Day 10: The trouble with Fridays…

1 Comment

  • 1. Pangie  |  June 20, 2011 at 11:36 pm

    I seem to recall you had similar issues with up days when you first started doing this, way back when. Granted I don’t remember what your stress situation was like, but I do remember that you powered through it and eventually got in the habit of eating well. I have faith that you can do it again. 🙂

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